I saw something written about jealousy by Phil Laut a few years ago. He described jealousy as a present fear of a future loss. He also said that it usually involves seeing someone else have the fun that you’re not willing to allow yourself. This last part really struck me. Erica Jong also said that ‘jealousy is the fun you think they had’. Whether it’s jealousy we feel in a romantic relationship, or envy towards other people in general, it seems this can apply. When we’re so busy focusing on someone else and what they’re doing, we’re missing out on …Continue reading»
An invitation for when you’re feeling fearful
Sometimes we get so caught up in our thinking, in our worries, in things we’re scared of and in trying to control the outcome of anything we’re worried about, that we don’t spend much time thinking about the things we do want. When we’re caught up in insecure or fearful thinking about anything, it takes most of our attention. When we’re really worried or fearful we go into fight or flight and our bodies pump out stress hormones, making us feel as if there is even more to be scared of. In this state we’re in survival mode and we …Continue reading»
What’s already going well?
Hello, and a very happy new year. I hope you had a great break over Christmas. I’m happy to be back and for my first post of 2019, I just wanted to invite you to pause and notice what’s going well in your life. I see the tendency in myself and others at the start of a new year to think about any changes we might want to make, and any intentions we’d like to set. It’s the perfect time to do this. The blank slate of a new year can be a great time for a fresh start on …Continue reading»
Taking exquisite care of yourself – because you’re worth it!
It’s such a busy time of year that we can forget about tending to ourselves altogether. But what would it look like if you did it differently this year, and decided to take exquisite care of yourself? It’s something we all mean to do more of, isn’t it? Self-care, relaxation, putting ourselves first, making time for and pampering ourselves. Sometimes we do this as a treat or a reward for something, once we get to the end of whatever else we’re doing. But it’s often out of the ordinary rather than a daily way of life. This is totally understandable …Continue reading»
Quietening your mind and knowing what to listen to instead
We can all suffer with very busy minds, and with constant mind chatter that feels less than helpful. Our thinking can feel very real and compelling at times. It can make us believe that something is very wrong, with us or our circumstances. We can get caught up in our thinking, and feel like we’re spinning with no escape. Things can feel bleak and hopeless at times, and maddening at others. We may find that we then get frustrated with ourselves for thinking in a particular way, and for not being more positive and grateful. We can hate ourselves for …Continue reading»
A worry holiday
Hello, I hope you’ve had a great summer and a chance for some downtime. I’ve had a busy period with the end of my Psychology Masters – more from that to come. But I’ve also been grateful to have some time to do nothing, a chance to reflect on the last couple of years, and to feel into what comes next. I’m working on some new offerings and a new direction for the blog which I’m really excited about sharing over the coming months. But for now I just wanted to share a small but potent experiment with you, courtesy …Continue reading»
Don’t wait to be happy
How often do we wait to be happy? How often do we think that all will be well once this or that is sorted? How often do we get caught up in striving for the next thing, or in reaching a certain benchmark, before we can relax or enjoy ourselves? The truth is there will always be something to worry about. There will always be things that don’t seem ideal, or something else to attain. Which may seem depressing, but actually accepting this can provide us with a great deal of freedom. We can decide to be happy anyway. Whilst …Continue reading»
How good will you allow yourself to have it?
How good will you allow yourself to have it? How happy will you allow yourself to be? How much can you enjoy being you? How excited can you be about your life? It’s all up to you. We all get to decide, what we’ll accept and what we’ll settle for. Sometimes we upper limit. When things start going really well for us, we start worrying about what could go wrong, or unconsciously do something to bring ourselves back down to a more familiar level of happiness. So we need to be mindful of this, and consciously expand our tolerance for …Continue reading»
Your best self
What helps you be your best self? And what takes you further away from it? Who is your best self? What are they like? Can you describe them? Can you feel how good it feels to be them? We all have many positive qualities and attributes. Sometimes these are hard to see for ourselves, but we may get them reflected back from others. We naturally focus on our flaws and shortcomings, rather than on the things that are good about us. Nobody wants to be arrogant or big headed, and nobody wants to be seen as full of themselves. So …Continue reading»
In my final post of the year, I’d love to talk about bravery. Bravery means different things to different people. What does it mean to you? Bravery can mean putting ourselves out there, even when we feel really unsure or shaky. It can mean speaking up even when we’re not sure anyone else will agree, or understand. It can mean asking for help or support, when there are no guarantees of being met in that request. It can mean showing the most vulnerable parts of ourselves, and risking rejection or ridicule. It can mean battling through something major, something seen …Continue reading»
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