Too often we place conditions on the love we have for others.
We try to get love, believing we don’t have enough already.
We look for other people or things to make us feel a certain way, when we haven’t been able to do that for ourselves. It sometimes doesn’t even occur to us that we could do it for ourselves.
Real love is about giving and not getting. It’s about what we can give and what we can share, with no conditions attached.
Real love frees – both you and the other person.
We need to learn how to support ourselves in all ways, so we don’t go into relationships expecting anyone else to carry us.
When you find yourself feeling lacking or wanting anything from someone else, try giving it to yourself instead. Imagine the feeling of having what you want and sink into the felt sense of that in your body. This is how we start to feed ourselves emotionally.
Only when we truly know and love ourselves, can we possibly love anyone else. We lose ourselves in relationships and then wonder why the other person doesn’t seem to be making us happy anymore. But we all need to make ourselves happy. We can take great pleasure from other people – from their love, support and the connection we share. But we should never expect anyone else to fill us up. We need to do that for ourselves.
Sometimes other people act as the most powerful mirrors and come into our lives not to give us everything we want, but to show us where we still aren’t loving or looking after ourselves well enough, and where we’re still not making ourselves happy.
Recognise that unconditional love is inside you, so you don’t have to keep looking for it in all the wrong places.
We can be discerning. We need strength and self-respect so that we only share ourselves with those that appreciate what we can offer. But if they don’t we can love them anyway. Bless them, wish them only the best and go on giving to those that want what we have to give.
You can love someone and not want them in your life. Why would you want to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with you? Why would you want to be with someone that doesn’t respect or honour all that you are? But you can still love someone regardless of that. You can want the best for them. You can want them to be totally happy, without needing them to make you happy. You can want them to be happy, taking yourself out of the equation entirely.
Unconditional love isn’t based on a needs exchange. There are no agreements, unspoken or otherwise. It isn’t about give and take. It’s about giving, full stop. And you’re in charge of who you give that love to. You’re in charge of who you love and who you want in your life.
What are you still looking to get from others? How do you behave when you’re trying to get something from them? How do you feel when they don’t give it to you?
What if you could learn to give it to yourself instead? What if you could stop relying on anyone else or expecting them to play any kind of role for you, leaving you to just enjoy yourself and them instead?
Love is patient. Love is kind. Love sets others free – to be themselves and to do whatever their hearts desire.
Just remember to turn this love back on yourself too. What would it feel like to love all of you? To not beat yourself up? To accept yourself as you are, for better or worse? To know that you’re worthy of all you desire. To believe that you’re enough. To love your own company. To know that you’ve got all the love you’ll ever need inside you. That it’s what you are; what you’re made of.
Once you realise this you’ll no longer need to search for it outside yourself. You’ll no longer need to try and get anything from anyone else. You’ll be free to share the love in your heart and to enjoy those in your life, purely and simply. With no conditions or strings attached.
Unconditional love rules. Turn it inwards, then spread it outwards. And watch it reflected back from all around you.