I was having a conversation in a coaching session last month, which the other person is happy for me to share here. They were talking about a lack of confidence, and wanting and needing love and attention from their partner. How they wanted their partner to recognise and voice all of the special things they saw in them, and to be clear that they would continue choosing them, even if other women were really beautiful or attractive in other ways.
Which got us thinking about how she could give these things to herself. About how she could affirm herself, and give herself this love, attention and recognition.
We decided she’d spend the next couple of weeks dating herself. Her partner was away so this seemed like good timing. She could have a bit of a summer romance with herself. And the results were amazing!
I felt like this could be a fun thing for many of us to experiment with, whether we’re in a relationship or not.
How often do we wait for things we want, hoping they’ll come from other people?
How often do we long for validation, recognition or approval, rather than feeling we can give it to ourselves?
How often do we wait for experiences to appear from the outside, rather than generating them inside us?
It can be really empowering to look for ways that we can give ourselves anything we notice ourselves wanting from other people. Of course it’ll still be nice to have these things from outside sources as well, but this will become a bonus, rather than a need.
Nobody else can know and see you, the way you can. Nobody else can meet your needs the way you can, because you know exactly what those are.
Whatever happens you will be with you for the rest of your life – you know that for sure. So this is a relationship worth investing in, and a relationship worth nurturing.
How much fun can you have with yourself?
How much can you appreciate, and honour yourself? Instead of looking to others to do this for you. So that you’re full up with love and gratitude, that you can then take out and share.
We tend to look to others to fill us up, don’t we? We can look to others to make us feel a certain way. We can make others responsible for us and our feelings, without even meaning to. We can pin an awful lot on other people. Instead of letting them do their thing, while we do ours; so that we can then come together from a place of love, wholeness and completion, rather than from lack.
So how can you woo and romance yourself?
Where would you take yourself on a series of dates?
How much imagination and energy would you put into this?
How would you treat yourself, if you were wanting to really show your love, attention and commitment? What would you say, and how would you behave?
Join us in experimenting with this, and see how you feel as a result! See how much more love you have to go out and give, rather than to go out and get.
The relationship with yourself sets the tone for all of your other relationships, so make it a good one 🙂