I’ve been wondering more and more, and working with clients more and more, around what they would do if they didn’t need to do anything at all. As if their every need was already met and taken care of.
So often we grow up to believe that our value is dictated by what we do, and our self-worth is tied up in how much we achieve.
But once we come to realise that every single one of us is valuable simply because we exist, things start to look quite different.
Everyone generally thinks that a baby is valuable, yet they do very little. We were all born that way, and our value was assumed. But somewhere along the line many of us came to question our value, and thought that we had to do something to be valuable, worthy or worthwhile.
We try to please other people, do what’s expected of us, and feel good about ourselves when we get external validation or praise. We feel good when we’re recognized for what we do in our jobs, or for how much we’re doing for other people, and bad when we’re having the opposite experience.
It becomes so ingrained that we don’t even realize it, and we often unconsciously assume that we need to do things to get the love and security we crave.
So it can be really interesting to strip things back and look at how much we’re doing because we really want to, and how much we’re doing because we think we need to.
When we come to know that our self-worth and loveability really aren’t tied up in how much we do, we see that we’re free.
If our value is already assumed, then we really do have a lot of choice.
When we do things because we think we should, or because we need to in order to be valuable, we eventually become resentful, burnt out or disillusioned. People can feel the difference when we’re doing things out of obligation, and so can we.
Of course there will always be financial constraints and commitments that we want to honour. But even starting to consider this around 10 or 20% of what we’re doing, and building up from there can be a great start.
When we’ve been operating from shoulds for so long, we become very weighed down and tired. As a result people initially often find that what they really want to do is rest or do nothing. So this is a great thing to listen to.
When we’ve really allowed ourselves to rest, new ideas and insights will emerge. We’ll feel inspired again and life will feel juicier and richer than it has in a long time.
So do yourself and those around you a big favour by noticing each thing you do as you go along, and asking whether you really want to do it.
Sometimes we really resent doing things but it’s just because we’re doing them in a certain mindset, or because we’re perceiving certain pressures that aren’t really there.
When we ask ourselves what we’d do given the choice, we may find that we actually do want to do them, but maybe in a slightly different way, or with a different energy. Or we may find that we want to drop that thing altogether.
But if nobody around you could have an opinion, good or bad, on what you did or didn’t do, if there was no pressure on you and you were totally free; if you knew that you were already completely loved and supported regardless, and truly valuable already, what would you still want to do?
This will provide great insight into what really matters to you, about what lights you up, and where you might want to play with doing things a bit differently.
It could mean taking things off your plate or asking for help, and reducing any pressure or expectations you might be putting on yourself.
Often people worry this is selfish, but actually it’s the opposite. Taking care of yourself in this way, knowing your worth and spending your energy wisely, will massively benefit you and allow you to enjoy your life to the full. But it will also massively benefit everyone you love and come into contact with.
Try it for yourself and see how much more loving you feel.
By doing less you will BE more, and everything you do will come from a place of love.
This will mean a lot more love, fun, joy, freedom and lightness in the world.
Who won’t benefit from more of that?