I’ve been thinking a lot about my Nan lately. She died when I was 9. We used to spend a lot of time together, and although I didn’t understand it properly at the time it was a big loss for me, and for the rest of my family. She was relatively young, and it was unexpected. Her death had a big impact on all of us. I wished I had got to know her more, as I got older, and that we could have spent more time together. But I do remember the special feeling I had when we were …Continue reading»
Don’t wait to be happy
How often do we wait to be happy? How often do we think that all will be well once this or that is sorted? How often do we get caught up in striving for the next thing, or in reaching a certain benchmark, before we can relax or enjoy ourselves? The truth is there will always be something to worry about. There will always be things that don’t seem ideal, or something else to attain. Which may seem depressing, but actually accepting this can provide us with a great deal of freedom. We can decide to be happy anyway. Whilst …Continue reading»
Building a house
I’m just coming to the end of a very big project: building my own house. Well, not with my own bare hands, but having a house built 🙂 This isn’t something I ever imagined myself doing, and it’s been quite the adventure. It took eighteen months to get the planning and to find a builder who could work within my budget, and the last nine months to actually have the house built. I’m just coming into the final couple of weeks now. It’s been quite incredible to see it all come to fruition, and to be starting a new chapter. I’ve …Continue reading»
Bravery
In my final post of the year, I’d love to talk about bravery. Bravery means different things to different people. What does it mean to you? Bravery can mean putting ourselves out there, even when we feel really unsure or shaky. It can mean speaking up even when we’re not sure anyone else will agree, or understand. It can mean asking for help or support, when there are no guarantees of being met in that request. It can mean showing the most vulnerable parts of ourselves, and risking rejection or ridicule. It can mean battling through something major, something seen …Continue reading»
Deep contentment
Sometimes we have to go through the really hard stuff, to get to the good stuff. Sometimes when we’re going through the hard stuff, it can be hard to see the wood for the trees. We wonder if it’ll ever be worth it. We question ourselves and what we’re doing. We can be full of doubts and uncertainty. Things can feel shaky and unsettling. But if we can persist, if we can trust and if we can stay the course, more often than not there will be treasure on the other side. Treasure that will seem all the sweeter, because …Continue reading»
Self-compassion
Are you concentrating on what you like and love about yourself, or on what you don’t like? Are you focusing on your flaws and beating yourself up? Are you being critical and harsh with yourself? When we’re unkind in this way we can become low and depressed, and we can start to feel worthless. We look for anything and anyone to make that feel better. When what we’re really looking for is gentleness, understanding and compassion. We can be so harsh with ourselves, when we could be kind. We can be much, much harsher with ourselves than we would be …Continue reading»
Dating yourself
I was having a conversation in a coaching session last month, which the other person is happy for me to share here. They were talking about a lack of confidence, and wanting and needing love and attention from their partner. How they wanted their partner to recognise and voice all of the special things they saw in them, and to be clear that they would continue choosing them, even if other women were really beautiful or attractive in other ways. Which got us thinking about how she could give these things to herself. About how she could affirm herself, and …Continue reading»
Your internal navigation system
It’s so easy to go around and round in circles when we look outside ourselves for answers. We can spend hours searching online, consulting the opinions of various friends or loved ones, looking for advice or reassurance, and yet end up more confused than ever. Everybody else will give you an opinion that’s based on their own individual life experience. Everybody else will be looking through their own lens, with their own hopes and fears. Of course at times we’ll want to ask for the opinion of someone we value or respect. We’ll really appreciate their wisdom, or take on …Continue reading»
Creatively envisioning your life
What do you imagine for your life? Do you have a vision? Are there things you dream of, that you haven’t yet achieved? What do you think is possible? What will you allow yourself to believe is possible? There’s a theory of motivation in psychology called the Theory of Possible Selves. This theory tells us that there are all kinds of possible selves that we can imagine, both desired and feared. The idea is that working towards a desired possible self can be very motivating. Yet sometimes we’re limited by our imaginations. We may not believe it’s possible to get …Continue reading»
Life is happening now
Life is short. Life is precious. Life is here for the taking. It could be over for any one of us, at any time. Which can be a morbid thought, but also an opportunity to make sure we’re really awake. Life is happening now. So we have to live now. We can be so busy making plans and trying to get somewhere, that we forget to live in the moment. We take things so seriously, and forget to laugh. We hesitate to grab opportunities that come our way, with both hands. We forget to be as enthusiastic, or grateful as …Continue reading»